ample preparations and plenty of practice could not prevent pedro, allie, donal i from getting lost on our field trip.

things began to go south when our paddle boat became uncontrollable. our lives at the mercy of the currents, pedro desperately searches for land while donal checks the iphone for weather and stock quotes.

our supplies are down to only pedro's meager cup of orange-drink-flavored ice cubes.

we find a clearing in the river, only to have it blockaded before our eyes by a large pack of turtles, pushing a giant log using their tails as propellers.

our fortune changes when we encounter a giant albino alligator and his smaller, non-albino handlers. he agrees to escort us across the river, in exchange for 17 sets of clothing and a box of bullets. (we talk him down to 4 sets and no bullets.)

we reach the pyongyang embassy and are saved.